urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46 KIX KIX 2005-10-02T23:36:44Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:11162 2005-10-01T07:25:26Z 2005-10-02T23:36:44Z life is so difficult to read... you can not map it out... it is created each and every second and there is no predicting where it will pull you.<br /><br />a friend of mine is dead today at 32... <br /><br />everything is beyond our grasp.<br /><br />pawns urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:10848 2005-09-25T21:14:26Z 2005-09-25T21:14:26Z <h1>LJ Interests meme results</h1><br /><ol><br /><li><b> art</b>:<br>life is art. i am beginning to see that mine is extremely abstract.</li><li><b> candle making</b>:<br>great experience. memory that will be cherished. </li><li><b> classic movies</b>:<br>nothing better than wasting a day away watching oldies.</li><li><b> computers</b>:<br>love - hate relationship.</li><li><b> drinking</b>:<br>weening myself of this one.</li><li><b> food</b>:<br>cooking more so than eating it.</li><li><b> football</b>:<br>finally suited up and got out on the field...what a rush!</li><li><b> hapachan</b>:<br>another cherished memory. the best friend i have had.</li><li><b> hawaii</b>:<br>my birthplace and a constant i have always had. a place that haunts, lures, frightens, consoles and fills me.</li><li><b> hiking</b>:<br>many cool treks in the past...hope for more to come.</li><br /></ol><br /><p>Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.</p><br /><form method="post" action="http://www.memento-mori.ca/cgi-bin/lj-int-quiz.pl" enctype="application/x-www-form-urlencoded"><br /><p><input name="user" size="20" maxlength="40" type="text"> <input name="submit" value="submit" type="submit"></p><input name="mode" value="intlist" type="hidden"></form> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:9207 2005-07-06T12:43:32Z 2005-07-10T21:15:51Z truth<br />the double edged sword<br /><br />solace in knowing<br />pain in knowing<br /><br />when you prick at the scab long enough<br />the blood will run again<br /><br />why question when you know the truth<br />how masochistic can one be<br /><br />is it a cancer<br />is it incurable<br /><br />this love is not love<br />it is an illusion<br /><br />illusion has made fools of even the most perceptive<br />figments of a being that never was<br /><br />growth<br />spun from truth<br /><br />evolution of self<br />spawned from truth<br /><br />constant change <br />we are never solid, set, inert<br /><br />truth the teacher<br />let it guide you, mold you, change you<br /><br />perception is illusion<br />illusion is reality<br />reality is the truth<br /><br />let the truth change you<br />you can not change the truth urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:7484 2005-07-06T03:05:38Z 2005-07-06T03:06:29Z I am tired of the pain. I am tired of the misery. I am tired of longing. I am tired of being played with. I am tired of being strung along. I am tired of not having the spine to say what I feel with conviction. I am tired of not getting what I want. I am tired of giving too much. I am tired of not taking. I am tired of being content. I am tired of worrying about what I can’t control. I am tired of losing control. I am tired of being controlled. I am tired of being a tot in a candy store. I am tired of feeling. I am tired of caring. I am tired of loving. I am tired. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:6826 2005-06-25T06:49:15Z 2005-07-06T03:26:51Z i am left to accept it. retrospect plays no role in my future. sitting here boxing up mementos of a love so great. tidbits of scattered "i love you"s. photos of true happiness. lives so entwined that at certain points the two bodies seem as one. how did i let it slip so far away. could i the rational minded, logical person i make myself out to be, let words on paper jaggedly rip apart all of this. it is but words on paper that i stare at now. only images i see. how easily i blinded myself to them. how bright was that shock that my pupils dilated so strongly and for so long that all i saw was shadows. there is only one judge and one juror and they lie within each of us. fairness is what we make of it. i will issue out my own judgment and i will issue out my sentence. i alone will stand trial and in the end no defense is necessary for the love that i had and the love that i lost. i alone had the power to change. i alone had the power to follow. i only hid away. i alone stand fast now. i only crumble. i alone right myself. i alone. box them up. store them. as with the memories within yourself. never forgotten never lost. pieces of me. pieces of what was. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:6367 2005-06-25T01:43:54Z 2005-06-25T01:43:54Z only in my messed up world does something like a life altering change that spurs in me the motive to "clean up my shit" take to a most literal sense.<br /><br />scrub scrub scrub... has a powerful cleansing effect on both the carpet and perhaps in someway me. hmmm.... kinda Miyagi like *wax on, wax off* urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:6071 2005-06-24T00:42:56Z 2005-06-24T00:42:56Z illusion has made mockery of even the most perceptive. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:5836 2005-06-15T04:45:22Z 2005-06-15T04:45:22Z dust covered, nearly forgotten:<br /><br />Beauty of Time (or blessed event...)<br /><br />Shattered glass upon the ground<br />Rays of light catch the pieces<br />A semblance of precious gemstones<br />So beautifully the shattered shards reflect the sun<br />Dancing colors though miniature prisms<br />A metamorphosis of what was<br />An alteration of what was meant to be<br />The crystal glass once filled the mouths of kings<br />Handed down through the centuries<br /> <br /> Use it<br /> Cherish it<br /> Expose it<br /> Simple instructions<br /> Easily grasped<br /> Oh no<br /><br />That once so precious heirloom<br />Intricate details<br />Soft swept flute<br />Now but pieces that lie upon the ground<br /><br />I once held it within these hands<br />I once ran my fingers across its mouth<br />Caressed the nape of its neck<br />I set my lips to he time and time again<br /><br />I see its descent<br />It plays back in my mind<br /> The careless knock the wobbled chalice<br /> I swear it attempted to right itself<br /> The teetering flute<br /> The dance<br /> The struggle<br /><br /> I reach out<br /> A feeble attempt<br /> For in my desperation I aid its fall<br /><br /> I felt the cold chill of the glass<br /> My knuckles cringed<br /> An ungodly sound<br /> a revelry of scattered tones<br /> a beckoning to the crowd<br /> a last cry to the world<br /> or perhaps a joyful sigh<br /><br />The pieces strewn about the ground<br /><br />Step back<br />Get away<br />Observe the gleam<br /><br />Forever lost NO<br /><br />One by one I gather the jewels<br />A silent prayer from my lips<br />A tear drop races towards the ground<br /><br />the beauty remains<br />the package slighted<br /><br />Cast it out I CANNOT<br /><br />My likeness returns my glare<br />Pieces of me within the stones<br />Pieces of me upon the ground<br /><br />Meticulously I gather each piece<br />And in years to come we mend the flute<br /><br />Not the same YES, IT IS<br /><br />Another day passes<br />A new piece attaches<br />The days fade to years<br /><br />Carefully<br />Gently<br />Utmost attention<br />Every detail a solemn oath<br /><br />Forever different<br />Forever the same<br /><br />A cherished momento<br />A newly formed gift<br />A beautiful bracelet<br />Bangled gems around my wrist<br /><br />To be handed down<br /><br /> Use it<br /> Cherish it<br /> Expose it<br /> Simple instructions<br /> Easily grasped<br /> So we so easily believe<br /><br /><br /> ---- A work forever in process <br /> --- Glen urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:5572 2005-06-15T04:17:10Z 2005-06-15T04:17:10Z i have floated through the entire day. running on about 5 hours of sleep in the last 5 days (my own doing of course) has left me in a daze. <br /><br />oddly enough i do not feel like closing my eyes and drifting away just yet. <br /><br />looking back on my sun-up meeting, i think it rather amusing, me in my disheveled and weary state standing (okay, teetering) before the masses rambling on about pride, dedication, attention to detail, 110% type crap and their lack of all of it... tossing out letters of reprimand, all the while not being able to make out anyone clearly due to my hazy and heavy headed condition. <br /><br />of course these are always the times that everyone and their mothers need to call you and meet with you. truly no rest for the weary :-) thinking of pulling a George and setting up a little cot under my desk. might even pull in a mini bar and just crash out for the rest of the day. wonder if anyone will notice... highly doubtful :-) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:4749 2005-06-13T02:36:24Z 2005-06-13T02:36:24Z the sleeper has awakened.<br /><br />the dream is over. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:4428 2003-11-21T20:44:37Z 2003-11-21T20:44:37Z stressing something terrible this is the last thing in my life i need to stress about... just pile it all on. why not give me more to be concerned about? yeah thats it give it all to him... layer upon layer of crap. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:4276 2003-11-21T20:42:48Z 2003-11-21T20:42:48Z what a crock urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:4023 2003-10-24T21:07:33Z 2003-10-24T21:07:33Z Blue October - Amazing i wouldnt say i am fanatical i have my beliefs and that is all they are. i am open to listening to other peoples beliefs. i question things as i always have since i was a little runt. i question till i am satisfied with the response. almost like eating till your full. <br /><br />my goal is not to convert but to understand to comprehend to know. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:3526 2003-10-01T04:05:54Z 2003-10-01T04:17:10Z Cold - Stupid Girl yes it is here.... the lj you have all been waiting for... the weekend movie review!<br /><br />this weeks movie - <a href="http://debutfilm.pinoynet.com/" target="_blank">Debut<br /><br /><img src="http://debutfilm.pinoynet.com/splashflash.jpg" width="300" alt="" align="bottom"></a><br /><br />if they would have squeezed another filipino stereotype into this movie i swear blockbuster would have given me a coupon for 50% off a jar of bagoong. granted i am not of filipino descent but having been raised in saipan i am fairly aware of their cultural differences. the movie seemed to have no meaning other than exploiting certain preconceived notions society has of the typical filipino-american family. the plot was dull and the acting unconvincing. i was once told if you have nothing good to say then say nothing at all...<br /><br />nothing at all<br /><br />hoping for a better movie review next week or at least one that doesnt make me want to try and figure out the temperature at which a dvd begins to melt. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:3127 2003-09-30T03:33:16Z 2003-09-30T03:35:00Z Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Cant Stop put aside all those important projects and update me will you. yeah im talking to you. update me. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:2867 2003-09-28T08:23:19Z 2003-09-28T08:24:02Z eventful night in.<br /><br />spent the night indoors. made tacos...turned out well. good company, good food and good wine always yield good times. got to discuss briefly different takes on world religion. took in a bit of the university of hawaii triumph (course it was against rice) bit of word games cards on the side. loved it. glen the homebody. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:2702 2003-09-24T21:32:37Z 2003-09-24T21:32:37Z Blue October - Calling You(1) see how long i can keep this thing going... :-)<br /><br />pasta and a movie... great tuesday evening stress reliever... pasta could have been better, but what a great movie.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.lot47.com/happenstance/" target="_blank">Happenstance</a> : yes the french are good for something (low blow aimed at a good friend of mine) although i spent most of the time cooking and asking for plot "play-by-play" commentary from my gf, i have to say i loved this movie... the character development was excellent, the videography was good, the storyline was compelling and the overall plot was lighthearted and enjoyable. definitely one i would recommend. also didnt hurt that <a href="http://www.lot47.com/happenstance/bio_AudreyTautou.html" target="_blank">Audrey Tautou</a> <img src="http://perso.wanadoo.fr/actfra/audrey.tautou/img/audrey61.jpg" width="250" height="200" alt="" align="bottom"> was in it. <br /><br />more reviews to come ... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:2396 2003-09-24T19:02:40Z 2003-09-24T19:02:40Z Three Doors Down - When I'm Gone as expected, i have put about as much effort into this lil' project as i did that cute kewl chameleon i picked up when i was 13 (found it belly up after 2 days). <br /><br />course i am back today with another installment so not all hope is lost. had to make public to my audience of readers (one person: my gf) a site in the works by my brother: <br /><br /><a href="http://www.geocities.com/tagaboy666/Robert.html">http://www.geocities.com/tagaboy666/Robert.html</a><br /><br />been hectic as hell lately and most likely my own fault as i have to start organizing and prioritizing and focusing and delegating and supervising and empowering and this damn list goes on as long as my list of "to dos"...<br /><br />i have to post a thank you to Duane. stranger in safeway, saw me and my better half buying wine and out of the blue stopped us in the parking lot and gave us a free bottle of syrah. turns out he is the manager of a distributing co. here in hawaii. kewl generous act of kindness... don’t find that too much anywhere now a days. hell if he did that in most places people would be to wary to even approach his car for fear he was going to attack them... or wouldn’t trust drinking the wine for fear it was tainted... we do live in a society full of fear and fright... gonna ponder whether the byproduct fear is a good thing, being that it is precautionary... or if it a restraining thing that limits interaction and human potential. hmmm... perhaps for my next installment i will delve deeper into this. for now: THANKS DUANE.<br /><br />well id better get back to pretending i actually work around here. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:2111 2003-09-19T19:57:23Z 2003-09-19T19:57:23Z The Cure - Close To Me <form action="http://hutta.com/lj/gender"><table><tr bgcolor="pink"><td align="center"><font color="#000000">My journal says I'm 58% feminine.</font></td></tr><tr><td align="center"><font size="-2">What does your LJ writing style say about your gender?<br></font><input type="text" name="username" value="kix46"><input type="submit" value="Guess your gender."></td></tr><tr><td align="left"><a href="http://hutta.com/lj/gender/">LJ Gender Tool</a> by <span class='ljuser ljuser-name_hutta' lj:user='hutta' style='white-space: nowrap;'><a href='http://hutta.livejournal.com/profile'><img src='http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif' alt='[info]' width='17' height='17' style='vertical-align: bottom; border: 0; padding-right: 1px;' /></a><a href='http://hutta.livejournal.com/'><b>hutta</b></a></span></td></tr></table></form> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:2045 2003-09-18T04:01:51Z 2003-09-18T04:01:51Z Natalie Merchant - Life Is Sweet think i might have created a monster... i have a huge insecurity complex that has begun to sprout in me over the last 10 months or so. i cant say i have never before had an issue with this just not at this level. it sickens me when i look back and see the way "i, myself" acted. i addressed concerns i had with a majorly important person in my life and it seems that i may have unleased a beast in her. i dont need the verbal affirmation i need to correct my issues. i dont need billboards plastered that express undying love, i need to control my mindset and screw my head on straight. i want everyone around me to be "themselves" no matter how much i may bitch and moan about how it affects me. i dont want to mold those closest to me... understandable there is a certain amount of give and take and there are going to be time we have to adapt but i think i need those closest to me to never let go of themselves. i dont want to be a negative influence ...hell i dont want to be an influence at all. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:1652 2003-09-17T23:22:39Z 2003-09-17T23:22:39Z The Cure - Creep (Radiohead Cover) got off the phone last night after a long in depth convo. hit the sleep button on the radio as i began to doze off this song came on... almost eerie how it could have been writen and sung to me by the person i got off the phone with... guess the convo. wasnt done when i hung up. <br />here are the lyrics:<br /><br /><font size="-2"><div style="text-align: center;"><b>LINKIN PARK LYRICS</b><br /><br />"Numb"<br /><br />I'm tired of being what you want me to be<br />Feeling so faithless lost under the surface<br />Don't know what you're expecting of me<br />Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes<br />(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)<br />Every step I take is another mistake to you<br />(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)<br /><br />[Chorus]<br />I've become so numb I can't feel you there<br />I've become so tired so much more aware<br />I've becoming this all I want to do<br />Is be more like me and be less like you<br /><br />Can't you see that you're smothering me<br />Holding too tightly afraid to lose control<br />Cause everything that you thought I would be<br />Has fallen apart right in front of you<br />(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)<br />Every step that I take is another mistake to you<br />(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)<br />And every second I waste is more than I can take<br /><br />[Chorus]<br />I've become so numb I can't feel you there<br />I've become so tired so much more aware<br />I've becoming this all I want to do<br />Is be more like me and be less like you<br /><br />And I know<br />I may end up failing too<br />But I know<br />You were just like me with someone disappointed in you<br /><br />[Chorus]<br />I've become so numb I can't feel you there<br />I've become so tired so much more aware<br />I've becoming this all I want to do<br />Is be more like me and be less like you<br /><br />[Chorus]<br />I've become so numb I can't feel you there<br />Is everything what you want me to be<br />I've become so numb I can't feel you there<br />Is everything what you want me to be<br /><br /><br />[Thanks to gtsujiuchi@attbi.com for these lyrics]<br /><br /><br />[ www.azlyrics.com ]</div></font> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:1504 2003-09-17T23:08:45Z 2003-09-17T23:12:14Z Information Society - What's On Your Mind (Remix) fiddlin' with changing the look of this place... like moving into an empty apartment... gonna take a while before i get a look im happy with. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:1036 2003-09-17T02:26:24Z 2003-09-17T02:26:24Z am i upset at the fact that i am being misunderstood or am i more upset at the fact that i am not allowing myself to be understood? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:783 2003-09-17T01:42:17Z 2003-09-17T01:59:00Z jump to conclusions and that is exactly where you get...<br /><br />to a conclusion. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kix46:727 2003-09-17T00:45:36Z 2003-09-17T00:45:36Z i can see how this may grab hold of me and occupy way too much of my already limited time... course i will probably get bored of it after a few days.